Sunday, August 29, 2010

To my Facebook Friend

I have a friend on Facebook who is cutting herself down more often than not. I wanted to post this on her wall, but I don't have the guts.....

Dear Friend,

I've been worried about you. It's Saturday night. I just stalked your wall. Of the 12 status updates you've made this weekend, 9 of them have been jamming on yourself. And not just the "I can't believe I did something dumb" type. Seriously, big time, ugliness. If someone was talking about me the way that you talk about yourself, I think I'd punch them in the nose. But it seems like you don't even care. I've seen these types of updates about yourself more often than not.

Do you really believe what you're writing about yourself? "Stupid...stupid...always screwing things up!" "Inadequate...perfect definition." and the worst...."Dear self, you have turned out to be a complete piece of junk. Good job." Really? Do you really believe that?

Don't get me wrong, I think as women, we all struggle with feelings of inadequacy sometimes, but when we do, there are better ways to deal with it than others. Sometimes, I use humor - it's always good to be able to laugh at yourself. Sometimes I talk to people who I know love me and will give it to me straight.

And lets talk about your friends for a minute. Looking at the comments people make back to you when you post this junk, you have true friends in your life. Friends who will pour the truth into your life. Friends who will say encouraging things. Friends who love you for who you are and aren't asking you to be anything other than that. These friends faithfully post encouragement to you, and love you in the middle of whatever you're going through.

Sometimes I wonder why do you post this junk? If you really believe it, it makes me sad. If you don't believe it, then I feel bad for your friends - you are manipulating them to make them say something nice to you. That's why I don't post to your statuses all the time...I don't appreciate being manipulated. In fact, I can't tell you the number of times that I've almost clicked "HIDE" next to your name. I just can't because inside, I think you are really hurting and you don't know what to do about it. If you need encouragement (because we all do sometimes), be honest about it. Say that your circumstances are making you feel badly. Your true friends will lift you up. When you attempt to manipulate people with your overly dramatic comments, you're only going to push the people who care about you away. And honestly, I've seen that pattern in your "real life" - not just your virtual Facebook life.

Ultimately, you need to know I love you. I still love you with your faults. If I get frustrated with how you deal with your disappointments, it's because I'm a just a human. But God will give you all the true love your searching for. He doesn't care how you've messed up. He offers forgiveness and life to the fullest (John 10:10)

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